Working Man's Blues

I stole the title from a Bob Dylan song. The song is actually called "Walking Man's Blues #2". This is the best song from his latest album. It's really amazing to see a old timer like Dylan topping the charts with a new album. The album was quite good, and I've been listening to this song a lot.

The other day, me and two of my friends suddenly decided that all of us should learn to play the guitar. We also decided that I'll be contacting "Piklu" bhai (as I already know him) and we'll request him to give us some guitar lessons on a regular basis. We decided against a professional teacher as they apparently are not sincere enough and they don't have the personal touch that'd make the lessons interesting.

Almost 2-3 days have passed, and I still didn't contact our prospective teacher. I don't know whether this'll ever happen. I've been wanting to learn the guitar for quite some time, but I never took any real effort for doing so.

Today I met my pals again, and we decided to go on a trip to bandorbon during Eid vacation. I think this'll be another fun trip. I don't know whether I'll be able to write down my experience. I am going through a writer's block when it comes to writing travel logs. I couldn't write about any of my last two or three journeys.

The latter part of this month will be terribly hectic for me. I have a workshop on 14th-15th, an overseas trip from 17th to 21st, and exams and term paper submission during 28th and 29th.

Meanwhile, I am not getting any peace of mind. For different inexplicable reasons, I just can't live in peace. One of my friend is saying I'm doing "Dukkho Bilash", which can be explained as "feeling sad without any apparent reason". Maybe that is true, but I can't get rid of this empty feeling that haunts me every now and then. As long as I'm engrossed in work, everything seems fine. As long as I'm with my friends, things are fine. As long as I'm playing games or listening to music, everything seems fine.

But I just can't stand the empty room and nothing to do state. The ghost of loneliness casts a long shadow; a shadow big enough to engulf me in agony.

I've preferred to stride alone for the last 26 odd years, and it is actually ironic if I say that I feel lonely now. I shouldn't be feeling too bad for being single at this age as I never really took much initiative to get double.

So be it....life goes on. Wise men say "Don't seek love, let love seek you out".

Ah well, since when did I started giving wise men a damn?

By the way, I am a working man, and I have every right to have my own blues!

A Little Talking

In most cases, the burden of expectation is too heavy to bear. So, never expect too much out of anything. I've seen in my life, when I approached someone or something with minimal expectations, the results often came out as satisfactory.

So that was today's learning. I went out with little expected, and came out with a lot of things.

I bought a damn expensive sound card sometime ago. It paid off, quite nicely. I am discovering new and hidden pieces of music from songs that I've been listening for the last 10 years or so. It's quite a remarkable experience. It might sound a bit incredible, but I am actually discovering "previously unheard" or "unnoticed" portions of my favorite songs. Be it the sound of bass, or the drumming, or just a vocal touch--this is a unique experience.

Now I know why these surround sound speakers and professional sound cards are so expensive. Every single paisa is worth the 18k I've spent for the speakers and the sound card.

You may call me an extravagant spender, or you can also go further and label me as a reckless spender, but I don't regret this expenditure.

Anyways, I just noticed that another year is just on the verge of getting ended. What did I do in this year? I did a lot, actually. This was one of the most active years of my life. Surprisingly, I actually got a lot of things done this year, and I'm still looking forward to getting some other things done in the last 27 days.

27 days is a long time.......

3 Years of Pleasures and Pains, Losses and Gains (part 1)

Nowadays I don’t write much about work. When I used to work in GP, I’d write a lot about work and I even earner myself a bad reputation for bragging about my job. This was more prevalent in my amadergaan blog, but its presence also marred my blogger blog to some extent. Anyways, today I’m once again in the mood for writing work stuff.

It was a bright, sunny November morning. It was not that cold, though it was winter. It was only my 3^rd or 4^th visit to the GrameenPhone office called Celebration point. I entered the office and went straightly towards the HR department. A smiling; somewhat young officer asked me to sign a lot of papers, and he also gave me a very lame briefing on my job responsibilities. He told me that I’d need SPSS and Excel a lot.

p.s. I didn’t have to use SPSS for once in my 1 year and 7 months career in GP.

I saw a very smart and cunning looking guy, who was also joining my department on the same day. I came to know that he’s a lot senior than me, and he worked in GP for 2 years before leaving for UK. Now he’s back, and he’s joining in the same position as a fresh graduate, which was highly ironical. I sneak peaked at his certificates to see that he got third divisions in SSC and HSC.

Later on, we got quite close, and sometime later I found out that he’s actually related to me in a very distant manner. We even worked in a few projects together. But eventually I moved to the Prepaid team and he started working with VAS.

I was the nearest neighbor to A bhai. I’d loosely follow A’s projects. Actually, even if I didn’t want to, I’d have to get a glimpse of the thing he’d do throughout the day. Our cubicles were so close that such information sharing would have to happen. He, however, bothered the least about what I do, and what others do, in general.

Anyways, this writing is not about Mr. A. It’s about me. Criticize me as much as you like, frown as much as you like, but today I’ll be writing about myself—hehe, as if I don’t do that already?

So the confused and introvert 23 year old lad joined the toughest marketing team in the whole telecom industry. At the beginning, I didn’t have much clue about what I’d be doing. The MRD team seemed like a country with a number of fortresses to me. I wasn’t allowed to join any fortress; instead they expected me to build a fortress of mine. But I was too young, and I lacked confidence. Moreover, I knew very little about the industry. They say I was recruited because my to-be-colleagues really liked a couple of answers in my written exam script. Actually, I gave the exam for the international roaming department. But I was selected by MC to join MRD. What an honor—I’ll remember this forever.

I still can’t forget that fateful day when MC took my interview. I was really, really nervous. For the first time in my life, I was facing an interview with the marketing director of a company. My other interviews at MGH group and Lever were with a lot lower ranked people. MGH was CEO or something, but I wouldn’t really call him a CEO with the right attitude. He was more like a caretaker type person, just like the crappy business they operate. P&G brands deserve a hell better than whatever MGH is doing with them.

Back to topic, I had to wait for a long time before I got my shot at the interview. I saw some other nervous guys (all of them were older than me) entering and coming out with frowns and confused looks. I consulted with a few GP pals of mine, and found out that interview with MC is usually a unique and fun experience. That made me a bit confident, and later on, I had the guts to speak my mind out.

MC asked me what type of work I’d like to do. Instead of answering that, I told him that I can tell you what type of work I’d hate to do. These would be repetitive, boring, non-challenging things. Then MC told me the whole of Roaming department lives on repetition, and he’s sure that after a year I’ll get bored to hell and come to him to say that I’m quitting. I got afraid and tried to reassure him that I won’t quit. But he insisted that I should try a different field, and that should be Research.

R-E-S-E-A-R-C-H

Do these letters ring a bell? Of course they do! They scare the hell out of me. I was really, really bad at Statistics. Till date, I am struggling to insert statistical concept in to my brain, and I’m sure this will stay with me for the rest of my life. I managed to get an A- in Marketing Research in the last semester, but still the terrors of the two statistics courses (where I got D and C) was still fresh in my memory.

And when the HR guy called me up and said “Congratulations! You have been selected to join the GP marketing team. But instead of IR, we have selected you for Market Research and Development”; I was more baffled than happy, more scared than elated. After all, I didn’t want to be humiliated after joining as a promising recruit.

My performance at GP was divided in a few phases. Initially, I was a slow starter. It took me a while to really get in to work. I kind of sat idle for the first 2 months or so. I’d blame my colleagues for this to some extent. I needed guidance, which I didn’t get. That was my first job, damn it.

Soon I joined the prepaid team with an IBA senior bro and started getting involved in all the projects like Easy Gold, My Time, My Choice, Djuice, etc. I had joint success, as well as solo success in a number of projects. I was really happy about myself for being one of the two people who controls the fate oh millions of GP prepaid customers. And till date, I can boast and say to people that “Look, this My Time feature was my concept! I designed it, I launched it—and no one can erase my name from the glory attached with this concept”.

At one point of time, I was highly motivated, and I’d do anything and everything that came by me. But then, some people got promoted, and I found out that they actually worked a lot less than me. Then came the period of frustration and pain. I delved down; really down. I started making mistakes; I started doing things carelessly and with less care. One day, my immediate supervisor called me in and warned me. I started focusing more on my job, and my bosses started showing a level of indifference towards me. Meanwhile, I started enhancing my network within the company, and more and more people got to know me. I was known as someone who takes things in to consideration; no matter what they are. So the working group (consisting of people from all departments) liked me more than my senior bro, but I was termed as a slow project manager by my colleagues. Later on, I found out that there should be a balance. If I listen to everybody and anybody, my projects will never get launched.

One cannot satisfy everyone. Agreed and accepted.

Once again, I found myself motivated. At this point of time, the whole of Sales, Marketing and Distribution team went to Shillong for the yearly conference. I had the time of my life out there; mixing with half or simply unknown colleagues. I really had a blast.

But this good feeling didn’t last long, as MC was leaving the company. Dirty European politics forced his departure, and it felt really bad. And after a couple of months, my best buddy S left GP to join Banglalink.

That was the time when my time at GP started becoming torturous. Every moment was a moment of pain, and I couldn’t stand my HOD. With all due respect to her career and achievements, she’s a bitch!

So I had to leave the company, and I left after working really hard for almost 2 years.

But that’s a different story…

Update on New Year's Resolution #2

Remember the last time I posted updates on my new year's resolution list? Let's revisit them and see how things are proceeding....the latest updates are in bold font, and the older update in regular font.

# I’ll learn swimming

No updates...

I started! I attended 8 classes and I can swim short distances now :D

# I’ll go visit Rangamati

No updates

No updates; but planning on a trip to Bandarbans during Eid Holidays.

# I’ll propose someone (?!?!)

Absolutely no updates(!)

I don't have the courage :(

# I’ll drink Cognac (!)

I had lime vodka, scotch, rum, etc...but no Cognac for me. Drinking is no big deal.

Not yet....I'm just a social drinker...and I don't want to spend bucks for this :D

# I’ll start my MBA

I bought the admission form for NSU; Summer semester. Let's see how the form-fillup and admission test goes.

I started! I started! I took two courses this semester

# I’ll try going abroad

Nah, not happening this year.

Postponed this plan till further notice! I love Bangladesh


# I’ll try to be nicer to my friends

I am trying.

Still trying!

# I’ll be a better child for my parents

I am trying, but not as much as I should. I need to try harder.

Trying real hard!

# I’ll become a millionaire (this I believe, will not be possible at all)

lol..what a joke!

Still a joke :)

# I’ll buy a car (if I try doing this, number 9 will not happen)

Another big joke.

Yeah, this is a joke, too :D

# I’ll get out of my game addiction

Not happening anytime soon.

It decreased a lot, trust me.

# I’ll be more honest and truthful

This is going fine, I guess.

Yeah.

# I’ll write 2/3 more stories

No progress!

Started one, not finished yet. But it's not a unique; I'm doing a translation

# I’ll read all the books from Harry Potter series

This is done. Yahoo! (the least useful resolution gets done...what an irony)

LOL

# I’ll try to have a 3.8+ CGPA in my MBA

Not applicable till now.

Still not applicable, but will a glimpse of it as soon as the current semester ends

# I'll lose some weight and I'll do regular exercise

:'( This one makes me cry...

I did lose some weight, but no regular exercising

# No more procrastination!

I decreased, but it's still with me.
I decreased, but it's still with me.

I have a life, and it's not bad.

A Sudden Journey

Me and my friends went on a very brief tour to Coxsbazar. In fact, the tour was so brief, that it's kind of sad. I will try to write about the experience till it's fresh in my mind. So I request my readers (ahem) to check my travel blog regularly.

http://travelsofthedead.blogspot.com/

I think I haven't wrote much over there. I did not write about my travels to India and St. Martin's. I don't know why, but I don't really feel like writing about those trips. Maybe I can't write because I did not have much fun in those trips.

This time around, almost the entire gang managed to go. Only Afzal and Ashique were missing, with the latter one being busy with his new found love interest, and Afzal is in Germany. Poor him, we should have planned this tour a week ago. In that case he would've been able to join, too.

Now I am really feeling sad, and I won't continue writing.

A Day In Life

A number of things happened today. These are things that don't happen often. Firstly, I had a successful day at office—some complicated problems regarding a new service got solved easily, and both of the training sessions ran smoothly. I am on the verge of one of the biggest launches of my life, and I am damn excited. I have decided to take a break from the extremely hectic life that I've been living for the last 6 months or so.

Thanks to the opposition party, we have a hartal tomorrow. What better reason to not show up at office? Especially when the boss is out of country! Although it's a critical time for me, I think I deserve this break. Or else, I might breakdown one of these days. Things have been really hectic lately; it's totally a different experience to work with hundred percent responsibilities on my own shoulder. Previously, I'd have bosses above me, who'd direct me and show me the way of doing things. Nowadays I have to figure out my own ways; it's tough, but fun indeed!

Anyways, that'd be enough talking about office for the time being. I came home at 6:30 PM today. I really didn't thought that I could get back that early; in fact I was planning to hang out at a friend's. Instead, I ended up landing at home and a friend came to visit me instead. We played LAN games till 10 PM. A cousin of mine also joined. I won two games straight, which is quite unusual. I consider myself as the worst player among my friends, and it made me feel great. Especially the victory over cousin Shomi was really sweet, as he's really a veteran player. However, in both occasions, I had the better character.

So exactly at 10 PM, the electricity went off. This is a regular routine now; as soon as the clock strikes 10, the electricity will take a break and immerse us in to darkness. Usually I am just at home when the current goes off, and it worsens my already bad mood. I attended regular chit chat sessions with my pals on the first three days of this week, and every time I felt irritated whilst coming back home. This is not only because of leaving an interesting session, but more of due to exhaustion and for not being prepared to live in an electricity-less environment. Although loadshedding is pretty much a normal phenomenon, I still can't get used to it. Perhaps I never will. It's just the fact that I can't run my PC and listen to songs just kills me. Moreover, the absence of electricity also means that the AC or the Fan cannot be operated, and the hot weather will make me swat heavily. All this annoys me a lot, and I'm usually in a very bad mood during these loadshedding incidents.

However, today was different. As soon as the electricity escaped, Shomi and Tushar went away, and mom called for dinner shortly. I had my dinner, took my brand new iPod Nano and went to the roof. The pleasant wind and the cloudy 10:30 PM sky really amazed me. Within the first 10 minutes of my arrival, I realized how much I missed walking on the roof. When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time in the roof. During afternoons, we'd play cricket, football and other silly boyish games. Once all of my cousins were living in BD, and we'd play together. Sigh, now most of them are living abroad. I really miss them, I grew up with these folks and they will always have a special place in my heart.

It is so unfortunate that my beloved motherland can't provide enough jobs or study opportunities for its talented children.

I was listening to "Always With Me, Always With You" by Joe Satriani. It's a nice instrumental. I listened to that track countless times before, but today it sounded totally different. Maybe it was due to the nice and quiet environment, or maybe because I was in a good mood—the guitar plucking of Joe sounded absolutely divine. This track, along with "Rubina's Blue Sky Happiness" and Cryin' always brings me peace of mind. There's something peaceful and serene about these tunes; they always make me feel better. Then started "Motorcycle Driver" and I increased my pace of walking.

It was a great 40 minutes of walking on the roof. I killed two birds in one hit, I walked and my body felt better, and I also spent the boring time of loadshedding in a useful way. I am so delighted that It's 2:13 AM and I am still not going to bed.

I will go to the swimming pool early in the morning; in a bout 6 hours from now. So I better head off to bed.

I am not going to office in the morning, hell no!

My Pet!

Such a cute tiger! I'd love to play with it all day long.

Death of a Blogger

The once uber-prolific blogger is nothing but a shadow of his former self. Sad, but true. Hard to accept, but it's the harsh reality. I don't get any time for blogging! Nor do I feel inspired to do so.

Yeah, time is not the factor....motivation is. I do update my other blogs sometime, though. I just updated my yesterdays blog.

Do I miss blogging? Of course I do. Do I crave for writing? Sometimes I do, but the urge isn't great enough to really bother me.

Anyways, it's getting late and I must leave. By the way, this is the 101th entry in this blog of mine. That's quite a lot, isn't it?

Of course it is!

Another blogthing

Yet another blogthing! I don't find anything better to write...and not too much time either.

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

What Temperment do I have?

I guess this is quite true for me! Blogthing courtesy goes to Rabab :-)

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content. You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything. A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better. You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun. A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours. You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much. At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness. A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily. You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

What Temperment Are You?

Late Night Rants

I think I am finally losing it. All the things that could make me feel good are slipping away from me. I guess it's time to change my outlook towards life, once again.

There is one thing that people don't often do. What is this thing? It is the action of "seeing things from other's perspective". If people did practice this, relationships would have been a lot easier to maintain.

I always tried giving the best to my near and dear ones, but very often they misunderstood me. And also, I almost never got back what I gave. Okay, I never really expect the same amount of return as I give, but at least I deserve to get something, don't I?

Today was a weird day at office. I stayed there till almost 9 PM, and yet I failed to get a single thing done. This is really amazing. I am having concentration problems again. Not that I hate my job, or my boss is bad—but something is definitely not right. I think I am losing my motivation to work.

I had a stupid fight with the whole family after returning from office. I am still bearing the load of that fight with me; I just can't sleep although it's 1:34 AM and I know I have to wake up at 8. I am constantly fighting myself. I have set myself a lot of objectives which my body and mind are not allowing me to fulfill. This is resulting in a constant conflict of interest, and I fear that my brain will get fried someday—just like my ex-graphics card.

I asked a cousin to give me two of his DVDs for a while, and he's been telling me for the last 6 months that he'll get them for me. The same cousin's been asking me for the same last 6 months when I am donating him my ex-graphics card. The fact is, the card didn't have warranty, but the shop told me that they might send it to the vendor and get a replacement. I didn't bother much, but I shared the story with the cousin. Now the cousin keeps on "following up" on me on a regular basis.

The worst feature of the corporate life is that unless you're really lucky, you'll have to screw others to go to the top. This is the raw, naked truth. If someone at par with you tries gaining an edge, you'll have to put a stop to it. Or else you'll see him stomping over your head and advancing.

I have a somewhat rosy outlook towards the world, and I don't really like to think about the ugly sides. But what happens when a close friends keeps on seeing the ugly side, only? That impacts you, and again the conflict of interest comes forward.

Why do I expect so much from myself? I wish I had a normal life. I wish I had no ambitions. I wish I could be happy only to have a decent job and satisfied parents. My parents are not happy with me and they never try to hide it. After a long day's work at office, which often ends at 9 PM, one doesn't wish to confront folks whom are always complaining about this and that. The same old story—"Everybody has jobs". I know everybody has jobs, and I also know most of them work harder than me. But this is me; I can't retain my 100% after returning from office. I am easily irritated, I demand and require peace of mind, I won't join the family to watch Indian Idol, and I won't for sure share each and every detail of my day's job with them. Are these too difficult things to ask for? I don't know.

I think half of my brain works like a 30-40 year old, while the other half is a lot younger than that. These two brains are fighting constantly. When I sneak out from office without informing the boss, the younger brain does that. But again I work my ass off for 7 consecutive days; staying at office till 9 everyday; just to prove that the department doesn't remain stagnant when the boss is on leave. That is when the older brain prevails.

Will I ever be able to establish a balance? Extremity is a common syndrome in my life. I have this dangerous habit of touching the extremes. In one semester, I got 3.8, and I also managed to get 2.25 GPA. I mean what the hell, if I can manage to get 3.8, what made me get 2.25? I, fall, I get up, I fall again...this is my life. This is the walk of life for me.

Things which I considered as inseparable, now needs to go. I need to let them go. They will be gone, and I will have no power to stop them. Dear ones will leave me, and I will remain as I am. Most of my cousins are settling abroad, and I am sure I will have fights with the ones whom will stay back. I will have fights over "who's turning on and off" the water machine, who's closing the gate, installing new gates, etc. I will become a boring person, and I will have the typical Bengali life.

Can I break this loop? Can I get out of this? Of course I can, and I hope to do so. Silly mundane stuff will not hold me back. It will be tough to let go of certain things, but I am sure I will be able to recover.

A few weeks back, we did an analysis of ourselves. By we, I mean my closest friend circle. One member was picked and we listed the positives and negatives of that person in turns. My friends said "I am damn impressive. I can impress anyone I wish to, and I have high persuading prowess". Now this is making me laugh, because I never managed to impress the other half to that extent that the impression goes to some other level.

Physical appearance my feet. I hate being judged by my looks, but most people use looks as the primary judging tool. Maybe I do the same, too. Can this be changed? Can I break the chain?

Anyways, I think I told this before. When I am in an agitated state, writing helps me release some tension and pressure.

It worked again. I am going to bed right now!

My New Project

Yeah, I have started another writing project, and I am really serious about it. I have decided that I will translate one of my most favorite novels of all time. That would be "Fiha Shomikoron" by Humayun Ahmed. I read this book first when I was a mere teenager. That was a long, long time ago. I bought the book from Ekushe Boi Mela of 1992.

You can find the story in my writing blog:

http://dmrwrites.blogspot.com


I just posted the first chapter. Will post other chapters subsequently.

A Sad Day

I received a SMS in the morning:

"Saif of 11th batch has succumbed to injury and passed away"

When I was in IBA, I was never a very extrovert person. I didn't have very good relationships with the seniors, and I didn't know too many juniors as well. But as years passed by, I came to know a lot of juniors as well as seniors from different batches. It is always sad to know that someone younger than myself has actually passed away.

He died a road accident today 5:20 AM. A few days ago my Boro khalu died. I saw how hard it was for my nana and nanu to accept his death. People who are older always find it hard to see the young ones die. I was a student of 7th batch. I am assuming Saif was not more than 21/22 years old.

Dying at such a young age--it's an unfortunate happening. I didn't know him personally, but I cannot but feel sad for his parents. I once read somewhere that nothing can be more heart breaking than carrying one's own childs dead body towards the grave. May Allah give them strength to bear with this loss.

I wanted to go to his Janaza, but I did not. I will regret forever.

May his soul rest in peace. May my khalu's soul rest in peace. May all the departed souls rest in peace.

Amin!

Update on New Years Resolution

I really haven't blogged much, lately. Let's see how much progress I've made in the first 2 and half months of the year:

# I’ll learn swimming

No updates...

# I’ll go visit Rangamati

No updates

# I’ll propose someone (?!?!)

Absolutely no updates(!)

# I’ll drink Cognac (!)

I had lime vodka, scotch, rum, etc...but no Cognac for me. Drinking is no big deal.

# I’ll start my MBA

I bought the admission form for NSU; Summer semester. Let's see how the form-fillup and admission test goes.

# I’ll try going abroad

Nah, not happening this year.

# I’ll try to be nicer to my friends

I am trying.

# I’ll be a better child for my parents

I am trying, but not as much as I should. I need to try harder.

# I’ll become a millionaire (this I believe, will not be possible at all)

lol..what a joke!

# I’ll buy a car (if I try doing this, number 9 will not happen)

Another big joke.

# I’ll get out of my game addiction

Not happening anytime soon.

# I’ll be more honest and truthful

This is going fine, I guess.

# I’ll write 2/3 more stories

No progress!

# I’ll read all the books from Harry Potter series

This is done. Yahoo! (the least useful resolution gets done...what an irony)

# I’ll try to have a 3.8+ CGPA in my MBA

Not applicable till now.

# I'll lose some weight and I'll do regular exercise

:'( This one makes me cry...

# No more procrastination!

I decreased, but it's still with me.

Can I get a life, please?

The Pleasure of Reading a Book

I have 92 blog entries in blogspot, and 79 of them are in this blog. Isn't that marvelous? I started this blog sometime in 2004. 92 entries in two years is not that bad a feat I guess. This information gives me another reason to ponder over a fact, which has become quite a clichéd topic for thinking. The fact is "how time flies by".

This is how it all began: The Song of My Life: First and The Furious

How what began? My blogging career? The online version of my confused thoughts? Or a "previously not discovered" part of me? I don't know for sure, but one thing I can say is that I really enjoy blogging. However, I did not manage to go to the BD blogger's meet, which was actually a thought that I myself fancied. Well, there are too little time to do too many things.

There was a time, when there was ample time, for accomplishing almost anything and everything. Now I feel time running fast, and I am being forced to skip a lot of things that I'd really like to do. Sometimes it is lack of time, while in other occasions it is lack of will, courage (yeah, it exists), and moreover, lack of confidence.

My now deceased uncle inserted a concept within my mind, from which I don't seem to get out. He once scolded my cousin for not thinking before talking. We were in the same class, and he was my mother's elder sister's elder son. We were best friends, and also competitors. So when uncle was scolding the cousin for a fooling, non-thinking remark, I decided to align myself with uncle, and I, too, agreed that it is utterly foolish to talk without thinking the consequences. Cousin was hurt, as he expected a bit more support from me, and he openly challenged me that he is sure I never think about the consequences before talking. Apparently, I am only affirming to the uncle's theory in order to avoid being at the receiver's end of scolding.

Later that day, I vowed to myself that I'd actually think before talking, from then onwards. Isn't it funny how these little, insignificant incidents leave a long lasting mark upon someone? There's a concept I read in management, called "Escalated Commitment". I am sure some of you will recognize it. It's about continual devoting of resources and or efforts to causes that are known and or proven to be lost (hehe that's my little definition; I'd never dared anything like that when I was a student—job does teach you something!). A project gets started, with a lot of promise, and resource is poured in it luxuriously. After some time, it gets clear that the project has no hope. But still, a few individuals who were behind the original concept keep on insisting to continue the project. This becomes a ego thing; a personal battle. Long-term danger is overlooked because of the fear of short term face losing.

So is this thinking before talking syndrome an escalated commitment from my side? Well, it isn't that bad, but I fear that I am becoming a slave to the brain, and my heart is weeping in its captivated state. Sometimes I say things that need to be told, not the things that I intend to tell. But this works more in the way that I don't say a lot of things causes me remorse afterwards. I tell the truth; the honest, and sometimes brutal facts in the face of people, but sometimes I just skip saying how I am feeling, to make someone feel a bit better.

By the way, this was not what I wanted to write about. Absolutely not! The large number of entries have made me write all this. Going back to the original context, the pleasure of reading a book is never complete unless one can associate oneself with a character or two, from the book. I started reading the Harry Potter series in late December, and now here I am, having finished all six books in less than two months. It didn't take a long time, as I enjoyed associating myself with the characters.

I guess I am being affected by Sunday blues. What is Monday blues for westerners is Sunday blues for us. It's 12:40 AM in the night, and I think I should go to bed now. Tomorrow will be a long day, with a number of pending tasks to be tackled, and a dentist's appointment. I've been on heavy antibiotic medication, and I've already visited the doc several times throughout the last month or so. I am growing impatient. My teeth keeps on giving me pains, and it started from my childhood.

Sometimes I wonder, with caution and modesty whether there's a tradeoff between brain and body. I haven't seen too many pretty intelligent and dumb ugly people in my life. There seems to be some sort of balance, somewhere, and this further increases the intensity of my fascination about the tradeoff theory.

Five Factor Personality Test

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

A Personal Revelation and Some Thoughts

It's 2 AM on a Saturday morning, and I just finished reading the 4th book in the Harry Potter series. When I started reading, it was about 11:30 PM, and I didn't quite think that I'd be finishing the book tonight. However, the last 150 or so pages were so enchanting, that I had to read through. I feel really bad for Cedric Digorry, the captain for Hufflepuff house's quidditch team, who had to die in the hands of Lord Voldemort, briefly after winning the tri-wizard tournament with Harry.

Anyways, a few days ago, I told a friend that I always try to follow a theory in life. These are like personal revelations; I handle, and think about these things with utmost caution. It did happened a couple of times, when I confessed that I have a liking for a particular thing, or I possess a particular skill, only to see my likings changing their paths or the skills fading away. So I am not very sure how long I will be staying with this particular theory. But until it lasts, I think it is a good thing.

It comes in these versions:

1. Never attack a wounded person
2. Never attack a wound
3. Never aggravate the pain of a wounded person by attacking the same wound

As an example; I wouldn't like to talk about my pay raise, bonus, present salary etc. with my friends whom are working twice harder than me, but are not getting as much as I do. And to be honest, things like these are always happening. Not everyone is as lucky as I am, nor does everyone have a BBA degree, and above all, everyone is not in the telecommunications industry of Bangladesh.

Similarly, I wouldn't want to talk about love with someone who has recently suffered a terrible breakup or a heartbreaking incident.

I won't tell a friend that I've seen 3 movies today, when I know that his DVD Rom drive stopped working last week.

I don't know whether this strategy of mine helps anyone or not, but I just find it too cruel to do these things. To some, hurting an already hurt person might sound funny, or least, a cool thing to do. It's pretty easy, you know? When you're really vulnerable and stuff. In these cases, one is prone to let their guards down, and it is very easy to hurt or upset someone in a quite civilized manner. Of course, calling names and physical violence would always work as "up setters", but using the "hurting the wound" theory would be easier.

But I don't even want to do that with people whom I don't really like. There aren't many, though. I just can't hold a negative feeling against someone for too long; a weakness, perhaps. I swore to myself at different occasions, that I won't speak to that particular person, or I wouldn't concern myself to any of his or her actions. But these didn't last long. I forgot, and apparently, I forgave, too.

I saw two movies today. Original Sin and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I wanted to see both these movies for a long time, and I am glad that a quiet weekend made it possible for me to watch them. I would remember both movies for a long, long time, and for different reasons.

Original Sin is a movie filled with lies, sex, crime and deception, featuring two renowned actors and actresses, Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie. I actually saw brief 5 minutes of the movie on cable TV last year, but I didn't know the name of the movie. Later on, I got to know the name of the movie by mere chance. I was searching for the plot of the second part of Mask of Zorro (The Legend of Zorro) in www.imdb.com. I bumped across Antonio Banderas's filmography, and saw the name Original Sin in it. I don't know what prompted me to do so, but I accessed the link, and after seeing a few images, I knew this was the movie I've sneak peeked last year.

Last month, I bought a DVD of this movie, only to find out that it doesn't run on any of the 2 DVD Roms I have instant access to. I was too lazy to return to DVD (as I bought it from Boshundhora), and I kind of put the plan of watching the movie in a sleeping state. But a dear friend rescued me by gifting the DVD to me, a week ago.

I first saw the words "Original" and "Sin" placed side by side in 2001. Now that I'm seeing the Amazon.com info on the movie, I can see that the movie was released that year. Back then, retrieving the name from a net friend's msn nick, I thought it was the name of some song. In fact, Elton John does have a song with the same title, which I downloaded via Kazaa/Audiogalaxy (don't recall exactly which one), but it has nothing to do with the movie. It is mysterious, that time solves many apparently unsolved and not bothered upon mysteries of life. What an irony, now there's no msn contact. The contact has been blocked & deleted for good, but the memories still remain vivid as ever.

I liked the movie for the story. The other things that I have mentioned were really good, and nicely shown, but the story was a unique and intriguing one, which should get credit.

Charlie and the chocolate factory is a remake of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, which used to be a very favorite movie of mine when I was a child. I loved the movie so much that my dad got it recorded in a VHS tape. I used to see it every now and then, using our the then state of the art National G15 VCR. I am afraid at least one or two of my readers would pause and ponder their minds to remember what a VCR is. Ahhh, how fast things get obsolete!

I loved the remake. I didn't really know about the remake, but since I found out that some of the older movies could be found as DVDs, I had this insatiable craving for this movie. The remaked version has quenched that hunger to a great extent, I must say. I discovered it by luck, while browsing through a huge pile of DVDs in Easter Plaza. I must be damn lucky.

So it's 2:30 now, and I believe I should take some rest, so that I don't ruin the morning through sleeping late. If I can get up early in the morning, I might as well watch a few other movies and get going with the remaining Harry Potter book.

Life is beautiful as long as it lasts.

A Happy New Year and Harry Potter and Shakira!

Severus Snape will help Harry in defeating and or killing Voldemort, at the very last moment. Voldemort and Snape will have Harry cornered, and then Voldemort will ask Snape to do something to Harry, which he will disobey, and instead inflict some kind of spell or curse upon Voldemort. Voldemort will weaken, and Harry, Ron and Hermione together will finish him off. This way Severus Snape would prove that he was actually on the good side, and killing Dumbledore was only an action for faking his obedience towards Voldemort, so that he can help Harry in finishing him off.

I finished reading the 6^th book in the famous Harry Potter series, namely “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”. When I started reading the book, I really didn’t expect much from it. I actually bought the original copy of this book for my sister, thinking that it’d be a nice present for her. Well, she liked it, but she never got the chance of reading it as her HSC examinations are knocking at the door. Instead, I started reading it, without taking in to notice frowns and disapproving statements from a few friends. Some frowns were generated due to the fact that I haven’t read another HP book and others were generated cause “Ei boyoshe HP!” As in, I’m too old for books like these. I myself was quite skeptical about the whole Harry Potter culture. This was particularly due to the fact that I really didn't like the first Harry Potter movie much, and I haven't see another movie since that one.

However, I am glad that I stuck to my own decision. This book is great, and it’s more than a fairy tale. It's a very enjoying book, and I finished it real fast.

I tried to predict the outcome of the last Harry Potter book in the first paragraph. The book is scheduled for publication sometime in 2006. Apparently, the author J.K.Rowling hasn’t started writing yet. It’ll definitely be tough for her to finish the series. Why does she need to finish it off anyway? Can’t HP be a character like Masud Rana, who is evergreen, and who always seems to find his espionage edge, no matter what’s going on in the world?

Anyways, a very Happy New Year to all of you whom are reading—may all your dreams and wishes come true this year!

I got a lot of SMSs this year, and I sent a lot, too. It’s nice to have friends and people who care to send a New Year’s greeting.

I am thinking about creating a New Years Resolution list. It’s like a list of things that I’d like to do this year. Hmm….let me see:

1. I’ll learn swimming
2. I’ll go visit Rangamati
3. I’ll propose someone (?!?!)
4. I’ll drink Cognac (!)
5. I’ll start my MBA
6. I’ll try going abroad
7. I’ll try to be nicer to my friends
8. I’ll be a better child for my parents
9. I’ll become a millionaire (this I believe, will not be possible at all)
10. I’ll buy a car (if I try doing this, number 9 will not happen)
11. I’ll get out of my game addiction
12. I’ll be more honest and truthful
13. I’ll write 2/3 more stories
14. I’ll read all the books from Harry Potter series
15. I’ll try to have a 3.8+ CGPA in my MBA
16. I'll lose some weight and I'll do regular exercise
17. No more procrastination!

Haha, that’s quite a mouthful of a resolution’s list. And it's my first resolution list ever.

The New Year started in a bitter sweet manner. Just a day before the 31^st, I had a very unpleasant conversation with a best friend of mine (well, yeah, she’s a best friend, as I have at least 4-5 people whom I can call best friends—ignoring the grammatical law of superlatives on the process), and she just hung up. I haven’t really tried to mend the situation yet, and I have no clue whatsoever. I’m so bad in communication….at least in a personal level. People often take the wrong meaning of my words, especially the ones with whom I am close, i.e. my parents, sister, cousins, good friends, etc.

On the 31^st, I went away to stay in a friend’s home. This was the first time in my 25 year brief life that I stayed out on a new year’s night. Well, was the joy of freedom too high? Did I do anything wild? Not really. It was mostly an uneventful guy;s night out thingy. We stayed in Ashique’s home, which is very near the Khilgaon Flyover. My mom baked a chocolate cake for us, and there were other food items like kebab naan and chanachur.

We came out and walked around the flyover at around 2 AM, and walked ahead in search of a tea stall. We found one, had tea (some of us excluding myself also treated themselves to freshly fried eggs) and came back. We watched a movie for a while, and then everyone decided that we should get some rest, and by 5 AM, all of us were sound asleep. I woke up at 9:30 AM, and managed to reach office by 11:45 AM.

The first day of the year was somewhat uneventful, but the ending was good. I got a laptop from office. It’s been a while since I was promised a laptop, and the long awaited day finally arrived. I’ve been working with the HP Compaq nx6120 throughout the day today, finding some “migration” difficulties, as this is the first time in my life I’m being a full time laptop user. But it’s fun, and I am quickly getting used to it. However, the absence of a numpad will be really, really hard to accept.

I really don’t feel like writing about my recent trips, although I had a lot of fun during the trips. Now back to the resolutions list....I wrote it in one stretch, with actually doing the thought process along with the writing, earlier today. So I wouldn't claim that it was a very well thought out list. I did plan about writing this a day before, while I was returning home via rickshaw, probably from Ashique's home. But only the proposing related resolution came to my mind.

The end of the year was marked by my rejuvenated interest in reading, and liking for Shakira! Yeah, I've grown myself a silly crush(!) and obsession about the sexy pop-diva. I knew I was obsessed when I stared at a picture published on India times for about 4-5 minutes on a Jet Airlines airplane, going to Calcutta from Delhi.

The thing that brought in the crush is her live video of the song "La Tortura" at the Live 8 concert. She's such a great dancer!

1
Swimming is something which I really, really need to learn. Whenever I go outside of Dhaka, I try to at least take bath in some river, at least for once. Every time I go inside water, a feeling of insecurity straddles me, and I feel the need for learning to swim. This knowledge is long due, and it's high time I acquire it.

2
Visiting Rangamati is just another thing that I've been planning to do for quite some time. Me, with my friends, visited Coxsbazar, St. Martins, Tangail, Netrokona, but haven't visited Sylhet and Rangamati yet. Maybe we'll visit there very soon.

3
This one's weird! Why do I have to propose someone this year? Well, it's like if I really, really like someone, I shouldn't be beating around the bush, right? :p

By the way, I am not saying that I have someone out there for proposing...this is just a hypothetical situation (a).

Maybe I'll touch the other resolutions later, or perhaps it's best that they remain self-explanatory

This entry takes my blog in to a new era..it has always been free of smileys, till today.

Will write more later.